I Don't Want to be No Damn Celebrity!

In our contemporary society it is a common goal to have fame, money, and the beauty from a woman that can only be found in the bright lights of the city.  Be it as a movie star, singer, or sports figure, dreams of stardom consume our fantasy lives from a very young age.  However, along with distinction in our society, comes complications with which most of us would be better to do without.  Fame becomes a nuisance, money becomes a responsibility, and of course, the goal of men of all ages, dating supermodels, becomes an aggravation not worth having.  It would better serve our lives by pursuing other goals such as personal enrichment or spiritual awakenings.

Fame is a problem not worth pursuing.  Take famous actors, for example, how would you like a seat reserved every basketball game of the year?  That sort of notoriety would consume the interest of your fans, but it would be a dreadful intrusion on your personal life.  Moreover, how would you like to go to an art’s exhibit and worrying about being mobbed by a contingent of adoring fans?  These sorts of complications would make associating with the public an ominous task.  Basically, with fame, comes the micro-management of every aspect of life so it meets with public approval.   In addition, even star-gazers, with the best of intentions would cause a hassle in everyday life.  Going to the supermarket to buy a lean cut of steak would become a major undertaking; even in the clerk’s wish to assist you, they would explain for fifteen minutes to you which is the best cut of steak.  That sort of annoyance would be more than anybody would like to live with in their daily life.

It is everybody’s cravings to be rich, and with fame, usually comes money.  But, how much money do you really need?  What can it really get you that you can’t already get with a more modest income?  Usually we have enough food, adequate shelter, and items such as a high-definition television that would have been considered luxuries only five or ten years ago.  How much Starbuck’s coffee can anyone actually drink? If any of us have too much money, we would probably stay up all night on drugs ordering quaint products from the fascinating infomercials that can only be found on late night television.

The goal of all men, from a very young age, is to surround themselves with supermodels and beautiful movie actresses.  Is this really a good idea?  In the world of supermodels, the drug problem is systematic of fame itself.  The beautiful women that we see on television every day, and pine for every night, are often heroin sheik and have similar problems associated with fame.   Is it a good idea to get involved with anyone on heroin, even if they’re heroin sheik?  In addition, when birthdays, Christmas, and Valentine’s Day come along, a piece of jewelry priced at $1.2 million would be obligatory so they could compare it with all the other useless ornaments of their friends.  The worst part of dating a supermodel would be, late in the night at a Hollywood night club, their ex-boyfriend rock star would have too much to drink and kick the hell out of you in a jealous rage.

Nobody needs fame; it would better to live in obscurity.   A nice quiet life in the suburbs where only your close friends know you is under-rated.  A tranquil evening at a good restaurant while enjoying complete anonymity is all the luxury anybody really needs.   Anyway, who needs that much money?  A good honest job working construction can get you everything that you really need to live a very fulfilling life.  Riches of a Hollywood mogul would be spent on pointless paintings by Picasso.  Nobody really needs that extravagance.  A stunning supermodel would look good on anybody’s arm, but the simplicity of an adequately attractive nobody would be much more fulfilling.  The ostentatious extravagances of fame are luxuries that would be better to be done without.

A Mystifying Discovery

Their arrival to the Big Island of Hawaii had an auspicious beginning.  The plane trip from NYU began with luxurious service from an investment in first class tickets that they had agreed were worth the price.  The 5 college students’ 2 week vacation to Hawaii had been planned for months and the pre-graduation trip hopefully would be well-worth the wait.

Upon arrival they exited the plane, checked into their hotel room and hit the beach immediately.  The splendor of the black volcanic sand of the beach contrasted brilliantly with the clear ocean water. 

They enjoyed frozen Bacardi daiquiris on the beach and soaked up the atmosphere.  The beach was crowded with a collection of locals which were easily distinguishable from the tourists.  There were suffers and body-boarders enjoying the waves while the tourists mostly enjoyed the free-flowing alcoholic beverages and the warm sunshine.

A mysteriously stranger appeared intrigued in his mind concerning a seemingly cryptic misdeed that had occurred on the island weeks earlier.  The self-consumed stranger did not bother to introduce himself; rather he walked up to the group of tourists from N.Y.U. and began speaking.

With no direct conversational engagement, he said, “Apparently it vanished.  Nobody could figure out where it went.  It was their and then it was gone.  Ten minutes before the exhibition; it was gone.  They checked the vault and it was gone.”

Later that day they discovered that what was missing was a precious jewel, a 15 pound diamond had vanished.   Since it was none of their business they dismissed it and continued their vacation.  However, a week later hiking in the distant hills they made a fascinating discovery.  They came across a small cave.  On the wall they found archaic writings.  Later they ascertained that the writings were almost 1000 years old and from the natives of Hawaii. 

The writings discussed an ancient jewel which had served as an idol of worship.  From the writings, which were later to be translated by an expert in archeology, it was discerned that the jewel had mysteriously appeared to the ancient civilization some time before the writings on the cave wall.   The jewel had served as an idol of worship for the ancient tribe of the island and had inspired their entire basis of the mythology and religion.  The jewel inspired ancient epics that mirrored the Greek writings of The Iliad and The Odyssey although the island, which was distant from the shores of the mainland, had no direct contact with those civilizations. 

Just as mysteriously as the jewel was originally discovered it mysteriously vanished from the island nearly 500 years later.  The idol of worship also had prophesized the conquest of their people from distant explorers from a far-off land as well as other events in the history of this ancient people.

The college students later came across the mysterious stranger to share their discovery.  As students from N.Y.U. nearly ready for graduation they could not discern the meanings of the writings on the wall of the cave.  However, they had been able to make some sense of the paintings and drawings on the wall.  They were aware of the mystery of the missing jewel that the stranger had shared with them and the expertly crafted paintings on the wall of the large diamond were easily referenced to be similar to jewel which had vanished weeks earlier.

Upon this later meeting with the stranger, who they discovered to be an investigative archeologist, they referred him to the cave.  Apparently, the cave, which was no secret to the residents of the island, had never had such writings or drawings on the walls.  However, the investigative archeologist, well-versed in the ancient language of the natives of the island was able to translate the writings on the wall.  All that was able to be discovered was that the diamond apparently appeared mysteriously on the island more than 1000 years earlier and just as mysteriously vanished. 

Although they had never been seen in the cave before, the writings could be dated back to the time of the ancient natives of the island.  No further clues were discovered discerning the enigmatic mystery other than that the mysterious jewel seemed to appear, disappear, and reappear from past ages up to the modern times.

Krispy-Kreme Doughnuts

A purple turtle meandered his way along Venice boardwalk.  Nobody paid much attention to him.  The Jamaicans, the weightlifters, and the marijuana dispensaries grabbed most of the attention.  He could remember a father’s day far in the past in which he and his son between the two of them were able to defeat an angry rabbit in a marathon swim around the pier after they had spiritedly shared a joint of Humboldt’s finest between the 3 of them .  Of course that was a long time passed and now he and his son mostly smoked marijuana in the privacy of their own home.  It was o.k. because as it is widely known, purple turtles usually suffer from glaucoma.

This father’s day was different.  Instead of a phat euro-joint he and his son enjoyed beers in one of the boardwalk beach bars.  It may seem overly sentimental to most, but he and his son often enjoyed the scenery that can be found on the boardwalk including the large host of sea-turtle waitresses.  His son especially enjoyed having the sea-turtle waitresses bring them pitcher after pitcher of beer, but he was a little old-fashioned in that his attention could not be drawn away from the much more innocuous and friendly mermaids. 

Poseidon could not touch them from this placid enclave on the beach and neither could the alligators that had tormented him in his youth in the swamp-lands of Florida. 

“How many fathers’ day do you think we can keep celebrating like this?”  His son asked. 

It was a very perplexing question which spent much time plaguing his mind.  Usually purple turtles lived long lives especially if they lived in the zoo, however it was wise to stay out of France. 

He answered his son assuredly with the knowledge that forsaking the turtles who make the unwise move to France most lived to be over a 100.  He responded to his son by saying, “We can expect to be meeting like this for years to come despite your mother’s insistence that I stop ogling the mermaids.”

From their view on the ocean side they could see the crowd passing.  The father noticed a majestically collared blue crab with his claw around a bikini clad seahorse.  His son seeing the same thing offered a question as to when the last time his father had seen a crab like that.  His father replied by saying, “It’s been a while but I can remember seeing one like that in way back in my first tour of duty in Saigon.  I remember wondering why it had been so far away from the ocean.”

They continued watching the crowd as it passed.  The son noticed a one-eyed, one-horned, yellow-purple people eater.  The son inched back with a degree of fear.  “That things safe, isn't it?”  He said to his father. 

His father, in his many years, learned not to be afraid of such things.  He said to his son, “As long as their domesticated they won’t hurt anyone, but it’s important to make sure that you keep them fed.”

The day at the beach was nearing an end.  Although purple turtles have a remarkable tolerance for alcohol, a day at the beach sitting at the bar was starting to catch up with them.  Father’s Day was not quite over though.  The celebration would continue into the night.  The rest of the family was planning to join the party and the festivities shortly before sun down.  They had outlawed bar-b-q’s on the beach in recent years.  Rather than smore’s with graham crackers, marshmallows, and chocolate, their family was bringing Krispy-Kreme doughnuts full of glucose and carbs to revitalize father and son after a long day at the beach.

The rest of their family arrived shortly after 7 p.m.  His wife was a beautiful mermaid from the depths of the ocean of the south pacific.  Upon her arrival he could not help but thinking what a lucky purple turtle he was in his slightly drunken state.  Father, son, mother, and the rest of their family enjoyed Krispy Kreme glazed twist doughnuts while watching the sunset into the pacific.