As I walked to school that morning, the frost coated every windshield. Icicles dripped from each branch of each bush. As an honor’s student in my third year of high school, the weight from the books in my backpack mercilessly assaulted me as I made my way through the streets for an early arrival to class.
The sky was threatening rain, but not snow. The weather of this suburban town was temperate, with the extreme chill concentrated in the nights.
Cummulous clouds in the distance beckoned my senses with exquisite splendor promising the miracle of a new day. The clouds arose from along the horizon, mushrooming higher into the sky in a portrait which resembled a Utopian dream.
Early in the morning as it was, I saw only a slow trickle of high school students making their way to school. The proximity from my house to the school was not burdensome and the walk along the way allowed me to taste the scent of a new day and gave me an opportunity to enjoy the morning alone.
Preoccupied in my own thoughts, I did not notice when I began to sing. I did not consciously initiate it, rather, it manifested from its own volition. The song, which appealed to my optimistic and somewhat spiritual sense of life, was a rather older song that I had come across surveying the channels on the radio.
“From this moment on, everything is going to be alright. She is gone, and you are here with me tonight.”
I continued to make my way to my school. The song had been in my mind for quite some time. The lyric meant, to me, that once you take control of your life, the most important things transgress from their own creation.
I noticed the Sun coming up over the horizon; the light appeared underneath the clouds, exhibiting vivid shades of blue and green.
As I approached the campus, other students from my school began to materialize.
From the standpoint of a young high school student, the customary bliss which I experienced was less fantastic because I had nothing else to associate from life.
But my experience of bliss would end. Enjoying my life of obligatory happiness, a horrible accident would take place. From out of nowhere, the news hit me. I was called into the office mid-day while in school. I was informed, blatantly and bitterly, that my parents had died in a horrible car accident that morning. The shock struck me without notice. Tears did not fall, but they welled up in my eyes over the painstaking loss that had just occurred.
Walking through the streets; only one year later, I began to sing a song. The bliss of life had forsaken me and had been replaced by an encompassing misery.
My only outlet for freedom was to get out in the cold night’s fresh air and make a mockery of my own suffering. I had nowhere to live, so my younger brother, Robert, and I, moved in with our uncle.
The poverty associated from being an orphan was tangible. The crowded house where I now lived left no room for comfort. As I continued to walk, I began to sing.
“Without hope, I awoke this morning. Without hope, I’ll slumber to sleep all night. Living in chains, left me alone. Nowhere to go, I’ll make my way through tomorrow.”
As I continued my journey, much too proud to cry, tears brimmed in my eyes and then ended.
Making my way to school one morning, the bitter cold scathed against my skin. The purposeless endeavor of education left one hope in my mind; freedom. This freedom would be the opportunity to get passed the horrible accident that took my father and mother away from me. The freedom would be the opportunity to make a life for myself in a new place where these memories would cease. The freedom would be to once again live with the optimistic outlook that had defined my life before the tragic accident which had taken place over a year ago.
My brother, Robert, three years younger, will have the same opportunities that I have. The pain of loss, inflicting him as much as it is inflicting me, would not hinder his life. If he knows, once the pain is forgotten, how wonderful and exciting life can be, he will be able to capture the essence that is the magic of life.
I was able to graduate from high school with no more hindrances. My freedom welcomed me to an exciting new life where I would have the opportunity to live the way I so chose. The bitterness of the painful memories would be forgotten with my admittance and journey to college. All would be right again.
This morning, I awoke in the dorms. It was a chill, brisk morning and I savored it with the freedom I had always hoped would someday return to me. The sky was blue, but with soft, white clouds sporadically positioned throughout the skyline. Love and life had returned to me and I could not help but smile at the beauty that life has to offer. After a warm coffee and a warm shower this morning, I welcomed a new day. With the disenchantment for life but a remembrance, I opened my eyes once again appreciating the wonder of life. Beckoning a new day, I stood outside on my balcony, took another sip from my steaming coffee, and watched the Sun make its way through the horizon.